The internet is full of lists of “The Worst Celebrity Hairdos”, but I am here to tell you that when it comes to this earth-shatteringly important question, every single one of those lists has it 100 percent wrong, and here's why: A bad celebrity hairdo is a hairdo you can't remember. First and foremost, the job of celebrity hair is to be so memorable you can't forget it, no matter how hard you try.
Let me give you an example. By my definition, the greatest celebrity hairdo of all time belongs to Donald Trump. Am I kidding? No, I most certainly am not. As far as I’m concerned, the two essential elements that make a great celebrity hairdo are: 1) Is the hairdo so recognizable that you'd know it even if it wasn't attached to a person; and 2) You find yourself staring at it so hypnotically that you lose track of whatever else the celebrity is famous for (which, in the case of Donald Trump, is bankrupting companies).
By my criteria, Donald Trump has the greatest celebrity hairdo of all time. Donald Trump's hair is more famous than his brain, and that's as it should be.
So judging celebrity hair by my new and, frankly, more accurate rules, here is my list of the five worst celebrity hairdos:
1. Jennifer Aniston. Yes, I said it. Jennifer Aniston has terrible celebrity hair because she has the same damn ‘do’ she had in the 90s. It's straight, it's sleek, it's almost exactly the same. As she enters her forties, which is the equivalent of her eighties in celebrity years (which, trust me, are even harsher than dog years), all her endlessly consistent hairdo is doing for her is inviting comparison to how she looked in her twenties. The longer she keeps that sleek, straight layered blowout, the older and less famous she is going to seem. If you don't believe me, keep reading and check out my number 2 worst hairdo.
2. Ann Miller. Bless her heart, Ann Miller was a true movie star and a brilliantly talented woman who, sometime around 1945, decided that a severe jet black chignon bun with sideburns was her best look, and she wore it from then until her death, thus making Ann Miller the patron saint of bad celebrity hairdos. Let this be a lesson to Jennifer Aniston: Get a perm, get a razor cut, go dark or get a bouffant. If Jennifer doesn't do something, soon she is going to have a real problem. Jennifer Aniston will become the new Ann Miller.
Cathryn Michon is an award-winning actress, author, stand-up comic and filmmaker. She's the star of the upcoming film "Cook-Off!" and the author of the bestselling "Grrl Genius Guide" book series. She's also the screenwriter (along with her husband W. Bruce Cameron) of the film "A Dog's Purpose" produced by Dreamworks Studios.