You've met a great guy, and you want to grab his attention. Or, maybe you've been with the same fella for a while, but the sparks these days are few and far between.
What are the key attractor factors when you first meet someone, and how can you stay attractive to the man in your life?
Consider these seven tips from our Men 101 course:
1. You Gotta Flip His Primal Switch
It doesn’t matter how cute, charming, fit or smart you may be. If the chemistry isn’t there at the get-go, it’s a no-go.
“They can be totally into who you are as a woman and think you’re amazing, but the bottom line is they either get turned on by you or they don’t,” says Kara Oh, author of the hot-selling read, Men Made Easy – How to Get What You Want From Your Man.
Oh says many women can’t grasp this fundamental truth because they tend to experience ‘belated attraction’ for a man. Meaning, they get hooked not by first impressions, but after witnessing an appealing personality trait like his sense of humor, intelligence or empathetic nature.
Men, of course, are visual creatures. “Smile, eyes, ass, breasts – that’s the first thing a guy is going to register in a woman. After that comes her personality and attitude,” says straight-talking relationship coach Michael Fiore, author of the online class, The Secret Survey – What Men Desperately Want You to Know But Could Never Tell You.
So does that mean you have to embody an impossible ideal of beauty to land that great guy?
Not at all. For a man, attraction to a woman is an amalgam, one in which the confidence you carry is a very influential, sometimes dominant element.
2. Ooze Confidence
You may be blessed with exceptional beauty genes, but if you lack confidence (translation: act desperate in any way) men will quickly scatter.
“One of the least attractive things is insecurity,” Fiore says. “One of the most attractive is confidence.” That sentiment is shared universally by the hundreds of men he’s interviewed as part of his Secret Survey research.
The good news --you alone have control of this one. The key, Fiore says, is how you perceive and project your own beauty. “If a woman finds herself fantastically attractive and irresistible, a man will find her irresistible.”
Oh agrees. “There are women who are overweight by our society’s standards, and they’re sexy as hell,” she says. “There’s nothing sexier to a man than a woman comfortable in her own body. Men can tell. They pick up on the energy.”
And it doesn’t stop with a woman’s confidence in her looks, Fiore says. Men find it especially attractive when a woman is confident enough in herself to not take it personally when he occasionally admires another woman. And all guys will sneak a peek from time to time. (We did mention men are visual creatures, yes?)
That being said, there are limits dictated by taste. If he’s constantly ogling other women when he’s with you, Fiore says, that’s just impolite and disrespectful. It is not okay.
3. Consider Popeye
“I yam what I yam,” was the cartoon sailor's famous catchphrase, and it pretty much summarizes how every man feels. Men want to be accepted for who they are – right now -- not for what they could be (i.e. their potential). Simple enough, right?
Except that most women don’t operate that way.
“We make babies, and our job as a mother is to turn them into functioning human beings,” Says Oh. “It’s in our nature to make people the best they can be.”
That sentiment doesn’t translate well in the romantic realm. Suggesting your guy change in any way is the antithesis of acceptance no matter how good your intentions. Your man might even comply with your wishes, but the message he takes to heart is that he’s not good enough.
Stephanie is an award-winning public radio, television and print reporter with a law degree. When she's not working, she's usually playing with her horses, dogs and human friends.